Some days I'm overwhelmed by the responsibility

There are many days I feel so ill prepared that my internal voice says, "Girl, what have you done!"  Honestly there are times I wonder if I had known all the "in's and out's" of being a wife and mother if I would have picked this road.  It truly carries with it an awesome responsibility if done the way YHVH (Yahweh) would have us walk it out!

I give my mother no grief and I don't judge her for my lack of instruction because as a mother I see more and more that we can only give what we have been given or what we "know" at the time.  And since the fall of man we have been fighting a battle of understanding our place, our purpose, on this earth.  Which has been twisted and convoluted with lies and mass deception for thousands of years.  Mankind has been given a call, a job to do-Love our Creator and Love each other; however, male and female have biblically been fashioned for specific jobs and expressions of that Great Command.

Women, especially westernized women, have created a role that at times is maddening.  HaSatan, the enemy or our soul, has done an amazing job of deceiving us and allowing us to step into his puppet show.   Controlling our thoughts, playing on our fears, our search for significance and worth!  We run after the illusion of the perfect life... Daughter of YHVH, Wife, Mother, Career Woman, Family Member, Friend, Volunteer, Helper, Nurse, Fashionista, etc...the list is endless...all the while dropping balls and picking up bags of guilt and feelings of emptiness under the guise of "true bliss" the "American" Dream Life!

Some days I'm overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a wife and a mother.  When I read His word and seek His original design for my life I'm in awe of how far I am from the blue print; however, I know that with His guidance and a willing heart He will yet mold me into His master design...

ISAIAH 64:8
Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Come journey with me as I step through the lies (this might get raw and real) and reveal His truth!

PSALM 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well!



 

I hope I'm only 3.5 weeks old...

So I'm sitting here on my birthday, the big 35!  Still young enough to do something stupid silly but old enough to know better!  I usually take this day to think about my life up to this point. I review last year's vision document and I  work on a vision document for the next before October comes to a close!  (Over the years I've found it helpful to map out what I want to accomplish in my next year of life so I have an idea of where I want to head.  There has to be an immediate vision.) 

Guide my steps Lord...

When I was younger I used to look at the document and get all stressed out by September 1 if I hadn't accomplished 90% of the items on the list, thinking it had to be done MY WAY!  What I was doing, at that point, was taking YHVH (Yahweh) out of the equation.  "The heart of a son of man plans his ways and the Lord Jehovah orders his steps..." Proverbs 16:9.  I spent so much time thinking about "my" plans that I didn't realize that YHVH was ordering my steps in the way I should go. 


See when I wake up in the morning I know exactly what my sons need to do to make it though their day and productively learn.  I guide them ever so gently (well, most times at least!  Sometimes I'm yelling and screaming at them to do this and that!  Just keepin' it real ladies) to their next task.  Our Creator does that for us each and everyday.  My immature vision document, in light of my FATHER'S vision, looks something like my sons' would look in His eyes.  Wake up and eat candy for breakfast, watch t.v., play wii, and ride bikes all day long.  They think their vision/desire is so great and important; however, they don't have the perspective of their lives outside of their present moment.  I as their earthly parent do, so I must guide them, instruct them, and at times deny them their desires to produce a more fruitful and productive people.  


As a baby we look for our parents to show us the way and guide us. As a toddler we scream and fight when our steps are out of order from the picture in our minds.  As a kid we look for guidance and direction while forming our own "way!" As a teenager we rebel against authority and try to order our steps, as young adults we think we might have it figured out just to realize- Hold up, hold up- we don't as we start to cross over the line to middle ageness!


What do I want to tell my younger self today?  You live in light of eternity only.  YHVH created you at the beginning of time.  (For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be h oly and blameless in his sight.  Ephesians 1:4) He decided you should hit this earthly realm on October 26, 1976 so that you could perfect your character and learn to love Him and his people in spirit and in truth... because He chose you to follow His design, His plan, His Law, His Son (Yeshua) in order for you to live with Him for eternity in the new earth!  


So how old am I really?  Timeless... If I count from the beginning of time (really before time) I'm really old!  If I count from when I was born into this earth to now...35.  If I count in light of all the "new earth" years I have in front of me when Yeshua comes back...at most 3.5 weeks old!  So given what He opened my eyes to see in my 34th year of life I feel like I'm only weeks old!  At least, that's what I'm hopping for... if not I'm really remedial.  


If I could pass it on... Remember, life is less about our happiness in the beginning and more about the development of our character!

What I do know is that I know NOTHING!!!!!! Keep digging and you will see…

Hey Pretty Lady,

What I do know is that I know NOTHING!!!!   Keep digging and you will see!  Ladies, one day I was sitting with a cup of tea in the quite of my house, a husband on the road traveling somewhere and two toddlers off to school, pondering the depth of YHVH’s (Yahweh's)universe.  Naw I must correct myself right now! I was pondering what I “know” of His universe.  I started thinking of all the languages of this world.  How I only can speak one and even within this one language I don’t even know a significant fraction of the words that comprise it, as I’m continually dumbfounded that my dictionary "App" on my iPhone keeps providing me with a word I’ve NEVER seen 4 out of 7 days a week!  I started thinking of all the continents, countries, sciences, traditions, religions, cultures, histories, planets, stars, animals, vegetations and I realized how little I know!  That there is a vast world in which we live with so much depth and even in it’s depth our human knowledge is but a drop of water in a drought ridden desert compared to YHVH’s universal knowledge, wisdom and understanding.  It’s mind boggling how truly insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things but how incredibly significant we are to YHVH’s plan.  Since we are part of His plan we are most significant.  He has perfect purpose for us.

I almost feel foolish, as I’m one day away from turning 35.  Thinking, the audacity I have to even sit down and think I’ve obtained any wisdom in these 34 years that could possibility benefit anyone. To write a no “ish” kinda blog. One that tells it like it is without holding back anything.  Nothing’s too personal, nothing’s too taboo, nothing’s off limits in my life… as I want to be transparent for you.   I laugh out loud because having said that I might need to apologize to my parents and my husband in advance for “telling” too much, but in the end I think the truth ultimately sets us free. 

These letters are really to my younger self

 I wish someone would have handed me a book or told me to read a blog like this from the age of 15-25!  Man, how my life would be different!  So, if I can change the course of your life so that you make wise, knowledgeable decisions because you understand the ramifications of your actions “before” you make them then I’ve done part of what I believe YHVH as put me on this earth to do!

It might bring a little bit of meaning to why I’ve lived this kind of life… So I tell my story and give it to you raw so that you can make a conscious choice about your future as a daughter of YHVH, a woman, a wife, a mother, a friend, a professional…  Man, the list is endless.  We like to think that “I’m every woman it’s all in me!”  And while I find that saying to be true, it is all in us… I think the Western woman has changed the lyrics to “I’m every woman, it’s all in me to do and be right now.”  Big difference!   

 

Proverbs 1:7

The fear of Yahweh is the beginning of knowledge; but the foolish despise wisdom and instruction. –World English Bible

 

Proverbs 9:10

The fear of Yahweh is the beginning of wisdom. The knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.- World English Bible

Purpose...

I live a blessed life.  I serve an awesome God (YHVH, Yahweh, Jehovah).  I have a big brother who saved my life (Yeshua/Jesus).  I have a daily helper who guides me (Ruach Ha-Kodesh/Holy Spirit).  I don't claim to know much.  In fact, at times I feel like I know NOTHING in the grand scheme of this thing called LIFE.  But I have been blessed with an insatiable desire for truth, wisdom and knowledge! Sometimes I wish I had been taught more of Yahweh's word without compromise growing up; however, I'm thankful I was open to receive His word in truth before my 34th year of life.

This site is dedicated to my niece, the future wife of my older son, the future wife of my baby boy, and a whole host of women, young and old who might dare to live life to the fullest.  To make decision in life based on His plan and to walk in their purpose and destiny without fear or need of worldly approval.

Take a 354 day journey with me.  I promise it will be fun, funny, enlightening, real, raw, at times might make you cry, think, get angry and question, but all in all it will make you see how fearfully and wonderfully made you are (Psalm 139:14).  Women, we have crazy purpose!  Let's live how He created us to... come back to the original design with me!