Don't Marry for LOVE...

Hey kid, it's me!  Listen up this one's a big one!  DON'T MARRY FOR LOVE!  Yeah I said it!  And yeah I know you've heard it all!  How you will just know it, love will hit you right between the eyes!  Even your mother will say, "There will be a feeling that comes over you! You will sense that spark and know 'he's the one!'"  I'm here to tell you that "feeling," that heat for someone, that spark it is nice in the beginning, but I wouldn't classify "that" as love.  Infatuation?  Maybe!  Lust, more than likely!  Something to build years of your life upon...?  Not hardly!  And the older I get the more I come to realize that when it comes to selecting the person you spend the "rest of your life" connected to in the covenant of marriage...love is not a determining factor, it's a by product!

I grew up hearing don't be "unequally yoked."  This is taken from 2 Corinthians 6:14. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?"  I came to understand this as a "good Christian girl" (yeah right on that "good" part) to mean I should stop dated all these Muslim and 5 % guys I was attracted to (being I was Christian)!  Or the guys that were "bad" boys in the world.  The ones with an edge.  I had my share of dating drug dealers, men years older than I (with 6 year old kids and they were still in college).  You do the math!  And many other sorted combinations (thank you Yeshua for going to the cross for my sins) Yeah, I was certainly unequally yoked.

What I have come to realize:  I majored on the minors and most of us did and do...  LOVE, RELIGION/FAITH, LOOKS/SPARKS are those things we says are the biggies. We have those and the rest will fall into line!  Horse crap!  Those will fall into line when we get this right:  What are your life habits?

1. What do you like to do with your spare time? Do you like to watch T.V. and I like to read...?
2. What are your eating habits?  Do you like healthy food while I'd rather eat pizza and drink a beer?
3. What do you like to do on your vacations.  Do I like to hang by the pool while you would rather go  hiking?
4. Do you like to cook and I like to eat out?
5. Do you like city living while I'd rather live on a farm?
6. Do you like playing with kids while I'd rather not be bothered by them and their needs?
7. Are you a deep thinker who likes to be alone and I'm a social person who wants tons of people around?
8. Do you like to sleep in and I like to get up and go?
9. Are material possessions important to you and I could care less about them?
10. Are you a neat freak and I'm a whatever, wherever kind of person?

I think you get my point.  Find out your common points of interest.  Find out if your life rhythms are in sync.  I promise you baby girl as you get older the men that were fine in high school and college with the wash board abs, usually have a big ol' belly by 35 and the one that was a bit on the "nerdy" side end up with the wash board abs by 35.  If you are attracted to the LOOK/SPARK it will soon fade away, or at least change!  TRUST ME!

If you are concentrating on RELIGION/FAITH, while that's good and important, it's not enough.  I know many a mono-faith couples who are struggling... They married for that LOOK/SPARK or even dare I say LOVE but have come to realize it is not enough to sustain them.  They constantly feel like they can't live and be their authentic/true self even with a common denominator of faith to back them.  They feel like they are always fighting against who God designed them to be in order to "die to self" and keep peace in the home.

So many people say love conquers all!  I believe that too.  And I believe we should love everyone!  However, I know this is going to sound really strange, but ponder it please!  Don't marry for LOVE-  Especially if your life habits are poler extremes!  See you can love someone but not be suited to live with them.  But if you can live with them, be their friend, share common interest, LIKE them, the LOVE will come, there is no doubt about it.  If your live rhythm/habits are firing in the same direction and your conflict level is low you will share a common joy.  Even when people are "physically unattractive" to you but they treat you well and you have fun together over a period of time a bond is formed.  If you let that bond grow and bloom... that LOVE, even that LOVE feeling/Attraction comes. Think about it the other way, if someone is very attractive but treats you poorly and you have nothing in common, but they are nice to gaze upon, or shall I say, of the same faith... how long is that "LOVE" or "LOVE FEELING" gonna last?  I think you get my point so PLEASE don't marry for LOVE!

And just so you know, I'm so thankful YHVH stepped in and showed me who I was supposed to marry, without me even understanding these principles correctly.  I married my best friend (not someone I was attracted to in the beginning.  But now he's the hottest/sexiest man I know for many reasons inside and out!).  A wonderful man.  A Godly man!  And I'm thankful that he picked me.  Saw something in me that he wanted to grow old with.  I believe the journey our lives have taken together has truly brought me to the place I am today, the beginning of YHVH's wisdom, knowledge and understanding!

Conditions Will Never Be Perfect...

I wish I could tell my younger self to calm down!!!!!!!!  No really, calm down.  Slow down.  Quiet down.  Stop!  Take the time to take in moments. Memories.  Surroundings.  Feel!  Look up.  Listen up.  Push forward, but lead with your heart.  Let that still, small voice guide you!  I feel like I spent a lot of my life waiting for conditions to be ideal or perfect.  Wanting my room, my body, my mind, my life to be "clear..." of stuff.  

Surprise, it never was so I spent most of my seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years cleaning up.  Getting ready for the "work" I had at hand.  Getting my space clear so I could perform.  See, I was one of those who couldn't do my homework until my room was clean.  I couldn't watch the movie my husband wanted to watch until the dishes were done.  I wanted everything to be clear, complete, organized.  I was moving in circles but not forward.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying throw in the towel and become a slob or someone who just doesn't give a dang!  That's not it at all... Just calm down.  Stop for one moment and listen. 

Calm Down with Momentum...

Take the moment to ask yourself what is more important.  Completing the task?  Cultivating the relationship? Pursuing the dream?  Or is it more important the conditions are right?  Let's say you want to run a 5K... and currently you are a couch potato.  Is it more important to lace up the old ratty tennis shoes and wholly sweats you have and get your hind parts on the pavement or should you wait until you have the money to buy "state-of-the-art" shoes fitted specifically for your foot and save an entire paycheck and hit the mall to get fitted with the cutest LuLu Lemon running gear?  I think we all know the answer!  JUST GET UP AND RUN... Personally, I'm telling myself to sit down and write!  Calm all the head chatter/noise (yoga term).  Thinking through each and every condition and asking yourself is it perfect.  Stop worrying about all the details.  CALM down.  LISTEN to the Whisper and LEAD with your HEART towards only those things that matter most! 

Conditions will never be perfect and most times they are not ideal... but will your attitude reflect reality or will you strive for the embodiment of what you want to achieve? I chose the latter no matter what is before me... 9 times out of 10 it's not going to go or start out how you imagine it, without some bump in the road but love life the journey anyway!  Proceed with peace.  Stop moving in circles.  Concentrate on momentum. 

Listen to those WHISPERS all the time

Sometimes I wish I could go back and whisper to my younger self "Stop working so hard to be something that you are not... Chica, your life is going to turn out just fine!"  I feel like organically we know who we are if we just slow down long enough to listen.  Long enough to silence the background noise.  The foreground noise.  The hustle the bustle.  Ask Ego to please move on and get out of the way and never ever return.  I remember reading in one of my favorite books, The Celebration of Discipline, that Psychiatrist Carl Jung said, "Hurry is not of  the Devil; it is the Devil." 

Busy keeps us so locked up in trying to "make something" out of your lives that we forget to live.  We lose the essence of who YHWH created us to be.  He fitted us uniquely with gifts and talents and natural abilities.  Natural inclinations.  As they say, look  at most 5 year olds and you see the "true" person they "could" become.  However, pile worldly standards of ambition and other people's standards and options of "who" you are to be and that "5 year old essence" is lost.  Sometimes if you are not attune to His voice, gone forever.

I spent 35 years of my life fighting, "my life!"  My design.  Who I was created to be.  My natural urges, whispers.  I aspired for the other person's dream of my life!  Made choices that I was "supposed" to make due to outside pressure and standards.  Not what was organic to me.  I did it spiritually, mentally, and physically.  And anyone who really knows me, knows I always look to the "physical" for the "spiritual" lesson, as Elohim knows I/we need to "see" things first to understand His deeper meanings in the unseen world... so here goes.

When I was 16 years old I stopped eating red meat and pork.  At the time it wasn't for any religious reason... it just made me "feel" bad.  I wanted to become a vegetarian then; however,  no one in my life was a vegetarian so I didn't know "how" to make it work (BTW, I wasn't blessed with the best culinary skills or affinity for it.), so learning something new was going to take work and at 16 I wasn't up for that challenge.  I was also scared by my mother that I wasn't going to eat enough protein and my body would get sick and start to eat itself.  Lovely image, I know but true nevertheless.  So I fell into what was learned, comfortable and acceptable by my circle of friends, family and peers. 

Fast forward 15 plus years...  I'm a new mom trying to get her body back and I happen upon a fitness training company that trains you and supplies you with a one size fit's all "meal plan."  I follow it to the letter (I'm a naturally disciplined person) and lose 35 pounds and look great.  But on the inside my body is showing signs that it's not great.  I develop IBS symptoms and my skin starts to breakout like I'm a teenager.  Something is WRONG; however, my body looks good, so I ignore the signs and say let's start to train for a figure show!  Let's do more, more, more of the same eating (body building/figure show diet) and my insides revolt.  I feel horrible.  And my body keeps breaking down!  I'm strong but my joints just can't hold the load.  I run 5 miles!  My cardio is on and poppin'.  I've got a runners high for 2 hours and then I CRASH for 3 days.  I get sick and feel terrible.  And then because that's what "society" tells me I need to do to get "fit" and look good!  I do it to myself all over again!  And the cycle continues...

January of 2012... the beginning of the beginning for me.  Cleansed my body and started working with a doctor who understood one size does not fit all!!!  Had a conversation about blood type being essential to understanding what foods should and shouldn't go into your mouth... this conversation immediately caused me to remember a book I bought when I was pregnant with my first son, Eat Right 4 Your Baby, by Dr. Peter D'Adamo.  I remember really loving the book when I was pregnant and eating more of a plant based diet (even buying the "regular" Blood Type Book for my father-in-love) and then putting it up on the shelf after I gave birth.  Dismissing it and falling back into comfortable habits.  That one-size-fits-all way of life! 

Almost 20 years ago my body was telling me what to do!  Whispering to get out of my own way.  Stop listening to the masses.  Do what is organic.  Eat mainly a plant based diet! Well, let's say I finally listened and I'm no longer a massive meat eater, pumping iron to achieve the body I want.  I'm mainly a vegetarian/pescetarian (very limited dairy sources) who practices yoga 4-5 days a week, who lifts "light" weights and only WALKS briskly for her cardio exercise. 

I can only imagine how wonderful and complete my life would have been had I listened to YHVH the first time at 16; however, I'm grateful for coming to this knowledge at 35.  Truly my life has never felt this BALANCED in all my life!  Now to listen to those WHISPERS all the time.  Transfer the physical lesson to the mental and spiritual!

MUST READS:
The Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster
Eat Right 4 Your Type by Dr. Peter D'Adamo
Live Right 4 Your Type by Dr. Peter D'Adamo

I'm going to run with it and take it one step higher!

You gotta write it down... Make it plain!  I was always told to dream big-make goals.  Have a vision.  Put a picture up on the refrigerator, something.  I can't stress how important it is to do this!  And I'm grateful to a daddy who taught me how to do this.  However, I wish someone had formally instructed me in how to make this happen.  I can't imagine how powerful it would be to have a journal or book with all my goals written down over the years.  Something to look back on and see how far I truly have come... but also something to inspire me to reach for the dreams of the voice of the little girl who still dreams bigger then her "current" resources support:  Goals with no limitations!

Well, in this my 35 year of life, the start of what I like to call my "second" chapter,  I've got some guidelines and I have to share them with you!  In fact, I'm going to start my son's off on this before January 2012 is over!  They too will have a vision board and a vision statement!  Here goes...

1. Pray that you open your heart up to what Yahweh wants to specifically reveal to you about your purpose and where you are in this particular season of your life.  I love to fast and pray before I start my introspective goal searching...
2. Define the 5-7 most important categories in your life.  For me (God, Family, Friends, Financial, House Hold Goals, Professional Goals (Fitness/The Arts).
3. Once they are defined put 1-7 goals under each category!  No more or it starts to become unattainable for the year!
4. Ask Yahweh to help you see what and where you need to focus your time... 
5. My favorite part.  Make a VISION BOARD of these goals/dreams/visions.  If you can truly see it you can achieve it.  Find images that represent your words.  The pictures in your mind and then it is yours!  Make it real.  I use to cut pictures out of magazine; however, I now like to make my "board" online.  There are a few websites out there but I like http://digitaldreamboard.com/  You can print it out and post it up or you can use it as a screen saver, etc.  
6. Print the documents out and put them in a binder or buy a journal specifically for this type of writing so you can go back over your "history..." Oh how I wish I had done this!  I have a few years here and there from my teens and twenties, but wow I wish I had done it consistently.  
7. Review, review, review!!!!  Daily, Weekly, Monthly if you need to!  I look at my vision board everyday... it's my wall paper on my computer and my phone.  However, I review my written document... at least 4 times a year (Beginning of Secular New Year/Winter, Beginning of Hebraic New Year/Spring, Independence Day/Summer, My birthday-end of October/Fall).  This helps me see if I'm on track or if I've gotten distracted and I can course correct!
8. Repeat one year later!  I can't wait until the year comes when I can make a weekend of defining my goals and visions all by myself and God in some location that inspires me!  Next phase of the process...

Thanks Daddy for starting your kid on this path... however, I'm going to run with it and take it one step higher!

Wanted to share my 2012 Vision Board with you!  I hope you share yours with me!...

I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and I will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what shall I answer when I am reproved. And the Lord answered me, and said, "Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."

—Habakkuk 2:1-3, King James Bible