Don't Marry for LOVE...

Hey kid, it's me!  Listen up this one's a big one!  DON'T MARRY FOR LOVE!  Yeah I said it!  And yeah I know you've heard it all!  How you will just know it, love will hit you right between the eyes!  Even your mother will say, "There will be a feeling that comes over you! You will sense that spark and know 'he's the one!'"  I'm here to tell you that "feeling," that heat for someone, that spark it is nice in the beginning, but I wouldn't classify "that" as love.  Infatuation?  Maybe!  Lust, more than likely!  Something to build years of your life upon...?  Not hardly!  And the older I get the more I come to realize that when it comes to selecting the person you spend the "rest of your life" connected to in the covenant of marriage...love is not a determining factor, it's a by product!

I grew up hearing don't be "unequally yoked."  This is taken from 2 Corinthians 6:14. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?"  I came to understand this as a "good Christian girl" (yeah right on that "good" part) to mean I should stop dated all these Muslim and 5 % guys I was attracted to (being I was Christian)!  Or the guys that were "bad" boys in the world.  The ones with an edge.  I had my share of dating drug dealers, men years older than I (with 6 year old kids and they were still in college).  You do the math!  And many other sorted combinations (thank you Yeshua for going to the cross for my sins) Yeah, I was certainly unequally yoked.

What I have come to realize:  I majored on the minors and most of us did and do...  LOVE, RELIGION/FAITH, LOOKS/SPARKS are those things we says are the biggies. We have those and the rest will fall into line!  Horse crap!  Those will fall into line when we get this right:  What are your life habits?

1. What do you like to do with your spare time? Do you like to watch T.V. and I like to read...?
2. What are your eating habits?  Do you like healthy food while I'd rather eat pizza and drink a beer?
3. What do you like to do on your vacations.  Do I like to hang by the pool while you would rather go  hiking?
4. Do you like to cook and I like to eat out?
5. Do you like city living while I'd rather live on a farm?
6. Do you like playing with kids while I'd rather not be bothered by them and their needs?
7. Are you a deep thinker who likes to be alone and I'm a social person who wants tons of people around?
8. Do you like to sleep in and I like to get up and go?
9. Are material possessions important to you and I could care less about them?
10. Are you a neat freak and I'm a whatever, wherever kind of person?

I think you get my point.  Find out your common points of interest.  Find out if your life rhythms are in sync.  I promise you baby girl as you get older the men that were fine in high school and college with the wash board abs, usually have a big ol' belly by 35 and the one that was a bit on the "nerdy" side end up with the wash board abs by 35.  If you are attracted to the LOOK/SPARK it will soon fade away, or at least change!  TRUST ME!

If you are concentrating on RELIGION/FAITH, while that's good and important, it's not enough.  I know many a mono-faith couples who are struggling... They married for that LOOK/SPARK or even dare I say LOVE but have come to realize it is not enough to sustain them.  They constantly feel like they can't live and be their authentic/true self even with a common denominator of faith to back them.  They feel like they are always fighting against who God designed them to be in order to "die to self" and keep peace in the home.

So many people say love conquers all!  I believe that too.  And I believe we should love everyone!  However, I know this is going to sound really strange, but ponder it please!  Don't marry for LOVE-  Especially if your life habits are poler extremes!  See you can love someone but not be suited to live with them.  But if you can live with them, be their friend, share common interest, LIKE them, the LOVE will come, there is no doubt about it.  If your live rhythm/habits are firing in the same direction and your conflict level is low you will share a common joy.  Even when people are "physically unattractive" to you but they treat you well and you have fun together over a period of time a bond is formed.  If you let that bond grow and bloom... that LOVE, even that LOVE feeling/Attraction comes. Think about it the other way, if someone is very attractive but treats you poorly and you have nothing in common, but they are nice to gaze upon, or shall I say, of the same faith... how long is that "LOVE" or "LOVE FEELING" gonna last?  I think you get my point so PLEASE don't marry for LOVE!

And just so you know, I'm so thankful YHVH stepped in and showed me who I was supposed to marry, without me even understanding these principles correctly.  I married my best friend (not someone I was attracted to in the beginning.  But now he's the hottest/sexiest man I know for many reasons inside and out!).  A wonderful man.  A Godly man!  And I'm thankful that he picked me.  Saw something in me that he wanted to grow old with.  I believe the journey our lives have taken together has truly brought me to the place I am today, the beginning of YHVH's wisdom, knowledge and understanding!